Very funny dating jokes

It may seem obvious, but joint speeches should be co-ordinated well beforehand since both will probably wish to say much the same thing. He thanks the bride and bridegroom on behalf of the bridesmaids and himself for asking them to be part of their special day and for the gifts they have received and then he reads out telegrams, cards, e-mails or other messages from friends and relatives who couldn't be at the wedding.

He will then go on to talk about the groom in what can be the highlight, or in some cases lowlight, of the wedding speeches. Finally the best man should then propose a toast to the parents of the bride and bridegroom.

A screwdriver goes in through the door, goes up the wall, crosses the ceiling, heads back down the other wall and goes out through the second door. In a while he checks the gauge again and now it shows 15 000 feet to the ground.

One cow looks at the other and says, "This is insane, did you see that?

" "Yeah, totally insane, he never greets." A man wants to do a new parachute record: The longest freefall without pulling the rip cord.

Then it’s only 150, 120, 90, 60, 30 feet till the ground.

A modern trend is also for the maid-of honor to make a speech.

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When the priest reached the inner sanctum he turned around, and was amazed to see the bride and groom crawling to the altar on their knees. Whatever the bride and groom's circumstances an MC (master of ceremonies) is sure to find a funny wedding speech joke here. 'Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married,' concludes Barry. ,' said her mother, 'Tell me, what could be so awful? 'Still sobbing, Elaine whispered, 'Oh, Ma...words like dust, wash, cook, and iron.' How even a nervous, first-time Wedding MC with no comedy experiencecan entertain and dazzle the wedding guests with 101 funny, clean, and 'field-tested' wedding jokes. Only .99 Molly and Peter have been married for almost 48 years and have raised a brood of 12 children and are blessed with 23 grandchildren. ' 'Well, let me see.' Vicky says, 'He needs to be fine looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing.

'Darling,' says Barry to his wife, Sarah, 'I invited a friend home for supper.' 'What? ' Sarah splutters, 'The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't much feel like cooking a fancy meal.' 'I know all that,' murmurs Barry. Rupert and Elaine, young couple, got married and went happily on their honeymoon. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, Molly replies, 'Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids.' While enjoying a lunchtime pint in a Newcastle pub in the Scotswood Road, four elderly Geordies* were discussing everything from football, the economy, to the weather, to how things used to be in the "good old days." Eventually the conversation moved on to their wives. Willing accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hours, if I don't go out.

When they got back, Elaine immediately 'phoned her mother and her mother obviously asked, 'How was the honeymoon, dearest? One bloke turned to the guy on his right and asked, 'Eh, Alan, aren't you and your lass celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary soon? 'Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate, man? Alan pondered this for a moment, then replied, 'For our twenty-fifth anniversary, I took Hazel to Sunderland. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.' The receptionist listens politely and carefully and responds, 'I understand.

Hilary, a grandmother, overhears her 5-year-old granddaughter, Mo, playing "weddings." As the little girl, Mo, marches the bride down the aisle, the marriage vows went something like this: 'You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present.

You may now kiss the bride.' The order of speeches is traditionally as follows: The father of the bride usually talks fondly about his daughter.