And so this article is gonna focus on the not-so-fun stuff—the things I didn’t know or understand back then, and that maybe you don’t now.
(And many jurisdictions have added so-called “Romeo and Juliet” clauses to their statutory-rape laws to acknowledge this common sense.) Maybe your girlfriend or boyfriend went off to college, maybe you met a cute 21-year-old drummer at a show—these things happen and are fine as long as you feel comfortable with this older person. Are they respectful of your life outside of your relationship? And anyone under the age of 17 should probably wait a little while to be with any person whose age doesn’t also end in -teen. You have plenty of time to date people older than you, but not nearly as much to have a high-school romance. You have literally the rest of your earthly days to date people in their 20s and up, but you can never have a real high-school romance again after 12th grade is over.Before I get into the real nitty gritty, though, a few caveats.First, being attracted to older guys is completely and totally normal.It doesn’t mean you have “daddy issues” or whatever; that phrase doesn’t actually mean anything, because it can be applied (or, preferably, not) to every person on the planet.Being attracted to someone older just means you are a human person who sometimes thinks other human people are sexy!My third preface is that this article is, by design, focused on the younger woman/older man dynamic, because that’s what so many of you have written to us about, and it’s so powerful a cultural trope as to have spawned novels, movies, stereotypes, and clichés.And the fact that adults and males have social/cultural/economic/etc.When I first started getting involved with older men, I was all “age ain’t nothin’ but a number.” But that is actually not the case, and the fact that I know that now but didn’t then proves my point.(Also, did you know that that song was written for Aaliyah by R.Kelly, who was boning her teenage self at the time?Anaheed told me this last year and I was like EW.) When plotting to French an older person, you might be tempted to rationalize the stretch of time between your two births thusly: “Well, my mom and my dad [or whoever] are seven years apart in age and they’re doing swell, so LET’S GET THIS THING GOIN’.” Everyone knows a happy grown-up couple with a significant number of years between them, but the thing is this: Those two people are adults, and when that’s the case, how old you are in relation to your partner matters less.