Because people become the most neurotic versions of themselves on their quest for True Love, and that’s totally allowed. Here’s the thing: when asked during in-person meetings, 90% of my clients report having racial preferences. And I’m not just talking about white-on-white preferences.
People are entitled to their taste and you can’t help who you fall in love with, right? Which maybe doesn’t sound bad, because I mean, they have other preferences, too. I’m talking about all my clients, only 55% of whom identify as white.
“White women prefer white men to the exclusion of everyone else — and Asian and Hispanic women prefer them even more exclusively.” “Men don’t write black women back.” Their gay data reads the same: “Blacks get fewer responses.” Have you closed your browser and crawled into a hole to live out the rest of your days unencumbered by society and its bullshit yet?
And when you close your eyes and think of someone hot, you’re probably thinking of a white person. Man, you must be exhausted after traversing the ENTIRE GLOBE searching for just ONE black person that you could get it up for! But this kind of racism is so deep-seated, so ingrained, that people believe their attractions are chemical. But you can develop awareness and create a new pattern.” Without recognizing that this is an issue, we don’t stand a chance at fixing it.Move one square to the left, and you see that they think Latinos are 1% above average, and so on.The color is there to make the big trends easy to see. Ok Cupid users are certainly no more open-minded than they used to be. Here are the numbers for 2009 till now — view each graph below to move through time.These numbers reflect different people year-to-year. Together the charts fold in data from some 25 million accounts.One interesting thing is to compare what you see above with what those same users have And yet the underlying behavior has stayed the same.To take one of the most obvious and simple examples, consider Hollywood, which is notoriously white. That means the math equation looks something like this: If Hollywood=White, and Hollywood=Hot, then White=Hot. We are not the passive victims of our own internalized biases. As author and psychologist James Giles writes, “That is not to say that romantic attraction is fully under our control, but only that it is not fully our control.” So when are our love lives going to start reflecting that? People are happy to acknowledge that hiring someone based on their skin is racist.According to the 20 Hollywood Diversity Report, minorities “remain underrepresented on every front.” They’ve reported that “more than half of films had casts that were 10% minority or less.” (The Every Single Word Spoken project is a great illustration of this.) Hollywood is also hot. The problem is that no one is inundating us with hot Asian guys, or hot black women who aren’t Kerry Washington. Studies have shown that we are attracted to what we know and are used to, but as Deborah Ward writes, “Repeated exposure to certain people will increase our attraction toward them.” This means that a conscious change in behavior will impact subconscious desires. Whether workplaces to their goals of diversity is another, much longer, discussion, but the guidelines are there. But somehow, dating someone based on their skin is not.But no one will talk about this, because no one likes being called racist.Except it’s hard for me to find another word to refer to “people making negative assessments of large groups of individuals that they’ve never met, based solely on the color of their skin.”Now, do I think that everyone is lying when they say they’re not attracted to black women or Asian men? As a professional matchmaker, I’ve interviewed over 1,000 singles, and in the past two and a half years, I’ve made around 2,500 matches.This means I have been #blessed to hear a lot of this nonsense, and honestly, most of it doesn’t faze me. I meant monumental and indicative of an entrenched and deeply troubling societal prejudice that we have been unable to overcome throughout the course of human history.