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While many parents think that explaining the consequences of sending out explicit images will get teens to stop, they may be missing the point.

“There’s a pressure that people feel to send a sext as a digital currency of trust,” says Emily Weinstein a Harvard University doctoral student who collected the texts above from an online forum run by MTV, for a study on the digital stress of adolescence.

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Her music video for the song “S&M”—viewed more than 57 million times on You Tube so far—shows the artist, pig-tied and writhing, cooing “chains and whips excite me.” It then cuts to her using a whip on men and women with mouths covered in duct tape.

Most sex games are safe and harmless, but partners need to openly discuss and agree beforehand on what they are comfortable doing.” “I was just astounded,” says Fremont mom Teri Topham. ” But school board members contend that 9 grade students have already been exposed to the contents of the book—and much, much more.

They argue that even relatively modern sex ed has even not begun to reckon with what kids are now exposed to in person and online.

Everyone is feeling a little awkward.” But the Fremont parents aren’t budging.

“Any good parent monitors what their child has access to,” says Topham.