Stevens: Men bond through activities, where women bond more through talking.
The activities men enjoy and want to share with women are often physical and outdoorsy, so they want a woman who is fit. And everyone wants someone with social skills, drive, and ambition.
The reverse also happens: The person you shouldn’t be with becomes the person you really want to be with.
If you’re not feeling a connection with the kind of person that really would be best for you, chances are you’re “should-ing” yourself, and that’s part of the problem.
Dating in Your 20s This is part one of a four-part series, “Conscious Courtship,” in which we chat with professional matchmaker, Amy Stevens, and marriage and family therapist Alisa Snell.
In this post, we’ll examine the trials and tricks to dating as a 20-something in the LDS world.
Also, people often go from dating in groups as teenagers to being told, post-mission, that it’s time to find a spouse.
So some people just find anyone and get married, which can lead to issues in the marriage.
Marriage has become much more of a choice, and some people wrestle with whether or not it’s a choice they want to make in their 20s.If men don’t pursue women, women don’t feel safe and secure, and if they don’t feel safe and secure, they’re not going to act more feminine—something men look for. People are hanging out, and in the process they’re not making the male or female feel fulfilled. Therefore, no one makes a move; it just becomes kind of vanilla and stagnant.What myths about dating in our 20s would you like to dispel?Snell: The more deeply a man sacrifices the more deeply he loves.And non-committal affection requires no sacrifice, so of course there isn’t going to be any love.Because we’re LDS, we usually want a family and children.Why is non-committal physical affection in a relationship so damaging?Sometimes they look at the prophet and his wife and think, “That’s the kind of marriage that I want,” but they don’t consider the process it takes to become that kind of couple—a lot of trial, change, and self-improvement.What do you feel men and women in their 20s are looking for in a spouse? From there, men are really looking for a woman who makes them feel great, that’s what flirting is for.Snell: That it’s just going to happen; it is just going to be easy and natural without any work.And that if they do have to work at it, there must be something wrong.